One of the things I’ve learned about myself over and over again is that I go hard. I get intensely involved in new projects, ideas, plans, etc. This even stretches to hobbies, clothes-buying, and the like. I go hard… and then I burn out.

And when I burn out, I. BURN. OUT.

“Everything in moderation” is easier said than done when your mind is always rife with new ideas and goals, but you have a finite amount of time to devote to said things.

On top of all that, life tends to get in the way and takes priority, pushing the things I’m currently into to the backburner. It can make me spiral into feeling like I’ve not got time or energy to devote to the things I love. It can make me spiral into feeling like I can’t follow through as I would like.

It also puts me in this brain-funk of knowing I have value and feeling like I’m not exhibiting it in the way others can appreciate it.

I can’t tell you how much money, time, and energy I’ve invested into ideas, goals, dreams, etc. but I wouldn’t change a penny spent. While burnout isn’t pleasant, I remind myself that I’ve opened myself to trying my hand at things I want to try my hand at. And maybe others won’t appreciate that in a way that I can feel, but that’s not my business. My business is to continue growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and in community with like-minded folks.

As a side note: Life seems a bit hard right now. I’m pivoting a LOT. In part because it seems social media is determined to mute/shadowban what I put out into the world. In part because The Pandemic has altered my life in ways that make coming into post-pandemic times (if we can even call it that) call for major adjustments. My family life is changing, my work life is changing, my period lasts way too long, and I’m seeing a near-constant barrage of anti-fat, anti-LGBTQIA+, anti-poor, and anti-black attitudes that all leave me feeling a bit sad about the world. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not all doom and gloom. Just seems a bit hard at the moment, which leaves me pivoting to try and find what feels right… over and over again.